Ah, Instagram. The great equalizer. The one place on the Internet where people voluntarily show off their actual faces and hold thumbs the evil underbelly of the Web never discovers that shot of them with ice cream on their beard from last Thanksgiving.
A magical place. But, like all magical places, it can take some work to get the hang of and rake in all of those delicious, self-validating followers. There’s a lot of hard work that goes into getting followers like Ye or Judd Apatow or those Internet kids who play the Fortnites and the Google games and whatnot.
Luckily for you, though, I’ve brought you five surefire Instagram tips for increasing your Instagram followers. Join me for the following great tips. and let’s connect you with the cool kids:
- Post Pictures From The Future
- Hold A Hunger Games Style Photo Contest
- Comment On Celebrity Photos…
- Constantly Comment In Uppercase
- Give Out Fake Advice
Post Pictures From The Future
This may sound hard to do, but with the right combination of pluck, tenacity, and a functioning time machine you somehow create, it can be done! You don’t even have to go that far. A few days or a week will do. Just far enough, for instance, to tell us if Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise ever have their octagon fight and how long until the Drs say Bieber will be out of his coma.
And, look, it’s easy to say “Well, time travel is 100% not within the realms of possibility, Duncan. Nobody could do this.” But you’re missing the point: that I want you to do this anyway. Winning Lottery numbers. The next President. Post pictures of stuff from our future and the Instagram fans will come, guaranteed.
Hold A Hunger Games Style Photo Contest
Your next bet should always be on violent televised game events. And this point is about exactly that.
Simply drug and send 10 random strangers to a remote island, armed with various weapons and sponsored by several high-paying clients watching from TVs around the world. Give them each a camera and demand that they fight to the death. Whoever is left at the end is the winner, provided they put out some sick grams.
This idea is so effective, you’ll discover the real secret about winning followers on Instagram: that the real followers were the friends you made along the way.
Comment On Celebrity Photos…
…but do it in character as one of their most famous roles.
So, like, you’d comment on Liam Neeson’s pictures in character as the dad from Taken. Or you’d write something to Danny DeVito as the Penguin from Batman Returns. “What a lovely vacation picture, Danny. Be a shame if somebody barfed undigested fish heads all over it! Bwaaak bwak! Bwak, bwak, bwak!” and then you’d laugh like some terrifying penguin monster thing.
An instant classic, and good for getting the ladies’ attention as well. Simply log onto Meryl Streep’s Instagram and let her know she’s not going to Paris, and you’ll do wonderfully because she definitely hasn’t heard that one yet.
Constantly Comment In Uppercase
Everyone loves it. It doesn’t make you seem like an elderly shut-in who forgot where he put his hearing aid and now he’s making it his grandkids’ problem because millenials need a little straightening out. Just Caps it out, brother, we want you to.
Give Out Fake Advice
Not to be completely meta here, but giving away free fake advice is a great tactic for getting people to like anything you create, Instagram followers or not. Simply make a Boomerang of you eating the head right off of a flower and add the caption “This helped me beat scurvy” and hey, presto, you’re important. You’re an Instagram account that gives back.
And there is nothing better for bringing in those sweet sweet followers than giving back – even when it’s totally fake! So slap on a filter, point a camera and get ready to tell the world how it can lose weight drinking watered down cement, and get ready because you’re about to get flooded by followers.
Instagram Tips: Get More Followers Today
Obviously, you shouldn’t listen to any of these Instagram tips. Obviously, I’m joking. And, obviously, if you’d like to see more of this kind of post, make sure to like and leave a comment below. Thanks!